Whoa, it's been almost two whole months since I've updated. Oh don't look at me so reproachfully! I've been bogged down with loads of stuff. Let's start from December, shall we?
December was so great, and I'd have to say that it was mostly Christmas that did the trick, though not entirely. It's been coming for a while now actually. For the first time in many, many years, and I'm not exaggerating here, Christmas happened in my heart, and there was such a overwhelming feeling of gratitude for what God has given to me. That certainly helped in playing for Christmas service. It was such an awesome experience! It was incredible working with so many other musicians and being so tight at the same time despite all the intricate details and arrangements of the musical. I guess that this was part of why I enjoyed Christmas so much this year - the gratefulness to God for bestowing musicians of such levels of competency unto us, and topping up whatever is needed to bless the people out there.
But after some reflection, I realise that it was likely to be a more or less subconscious intimate decision not to be so emotionally invulnerable anymore that led to a grateful attitude. Yaoguo said a fair few times over the course of leading us - no man is an island. I used to scoff inwardly at that, but toward the end of last year, I started having a change of heart and now I no longer do that. I don't know what caused the change really. I think maybe it was because I wanted to do more stuff for God, and there was a glass ceiling that was rooted in that formerly closed attitude. That had to change as I started to want to follow God's plan more than I longed for solitude.
In the end, there was confirmation for that. Yaoguo publicly affirmed everyone during our overnight cycling madness on New Year's eve, and when it came to me, he said that I might inspire others if I opened up and shared more to them. And I didn't really think my affirmation was warranted, but somehow, others think that I am disciplined in some things after all. I suppose that when you're fueled by the love of God and the things that you do for Him, it all seems so much easier. Well, I was just grateful for a concrete way to improve this life for God.
And then, in the blink of an eye, December waltzed into the past and January pushed herself upon me, along with a plethora of exams, assignments, and presentations. And I was forced to be disciplined in the area of schoolwork. I had several all nighters at home because of having to meet deadlines AND not wanting to sacrifice time with church guys. I'll turn twenty-four this year, and I am really beginning to feel the effects of not sleeping these days. Nevertheless, I still managed to find time to do a voice-over recording for the Love-Me-Ter publicity clip, and managed to have a load of fun doing it at the same time! Thanks for giving me the opportunity Puay, and thanks for lending us your MacBook and USB recording microphone Shaun (doubt they'll see this though...)!
Most of the sermons in this year so far, have focused on the theme Whole City, Whole World. Finally, after having gone through all that "upgrading", we're focusing on outreach again. I'm really excited for what God has in store for us, simultaneously reaching out both locally AND globally. Personally, I find it very hard to apply this in a pastoral manner. It is not because I don't have a heart for God or His people - I will stare whoever accuses me of this into a miniscule speck and blow you away into the Sahara Desert (I think it's alright if you check with me if you sense things aren't right though~)! It seems escapist to say this but I really do believe that I'm not cut out for it. Look, it wasn't for the lack of trying. Before I sneakily made my entrance into MinOps without much fanfare (no smearing of peanut butter and slinging of cheeseballs there!), I was in HSC4 (I converted at the end of 2000), then in NorthEast, then in Central for awhile, with the National Service group, before we radically broke away! And believe me, I tried. Tried to be a shepherd, tried to invite people to service. I was more rotten than a corpse at communicating and imparting my thoughts and ideas and convictions. It was so far and away out of my comfort zone.
Granted, some may say that serving out of your comfort zone is living on the edge for God, and that if you desire it enough, God will anoint you and bless you with skills and so on, and I believe in that, but the only problem with that is that it didn't really happen for me. I'm still quiet and shy around people whom I don't know or don't know well to this day! The only explanation is that I was called to do something else for God, and that was music. Entering MinOps helped me mature and grow so much in a spiritual fashion. It took a while, because I was called to play bass (and didn't understand what it entailed or how it can influence!), but I became more convicted of my role in His Kingdom than ever before. I grew to understand my instrument and how it can be used to lead the congregation in worship, and start to love it. It led to developing a desire to play bass all my life for God, then to wanting to disciple other bassists, then to wanting to help disciple other Hope churches with their music ministries around the world. Today, I believe that all Hope churches deserve good praise and worship, and from there, I hope to apply Whole City, Whole World in the context of a musician - I'd love to do music missions if ever the opportunity arises!
Oh how I ramble on! February has arrived amidst a howling rush of wind and rain. Chinese New Year is in the offing, a festival which has traditions I never understood. But I follow without understanding when it comes to red packets - never ask questions about these sort of things! I also look forward to weekly Friday kickabouts with NorthEast after Chinese New Year is over. Who am I to resist the allure of competitive sport?
Alright, the post ends here. With me wishing that I could go overseas to Europe or Oceania again. Preferably Europe. The old world charm, temperate climate, and scenery is irresistible! The problem is finding people to go with... =/ Goodnight!
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