..?

I've been thinking about how being an only child my entire life has affected and shaped me, and it doesn't seem to have a very positive influence! Living a very comfortable life, with everything provided for up till now (things like food, shelter, finance, clothing, instruments..) has made me a very laid back person. I am seldom driven, and only then when I have something at hand that I take an unusual interest in (things like sports, music... gee, what else..?).

Being raised without anyone alongside me since young was lonely at first, but soon I began to be able to entertain myself. As long as there was Lego, drawing materials, and books (in English, naturally), I didn't feel bored, nor did I feel the need for company. Emotions were suppressed, ignored, swept under the carpet. I learnt to smile whatever the situation was - good times, bad times, times when I was being scolded even. Teachers hated it when I didn't do my homework and kept smiling upon being reprimanded.

I went through primary school, secondary school, junior college, then national service. Now I'm in uni, and when I look back, I discover that apart from a few surprises, I've mostly left my classmates behind. The ones I'm best acquainted with are the ones from Ai Tong School, most likely because I still felt the sense of wanting close company then. So it seems that the feeling of emotional independence has carried over in my life to this day.

So from going through all of that, I have determined that being emotionally invulnerable is not being emotionally strong. There have been too few emotional upheavals in my life for me to become emotionally stronger, which actually results in emotional underdevelopment. This probably means that I'm emotionally weak due to barriers set up around my heart.

How then, can this be changed when I don't really feel the need for company and am leading a perfectly comfortable life? Sure, I talk to God, and I really believe with all my heart that people need Him, but how do I improve in this area of my life? According to most people, not having close friends is a sign that there is something wrong or unhealthy going on - is being a loner that bad..?