A Birthday Meal

Just reached home after a steamboat eating session, the cause of which was Matthew's birthday. Attendees included, in seating order, the birthday boy, Derrick, Junyao, Peter, me, Shaun, Puay. I suppose I enjoyed the food, it was nice, but I couldn't really involve myself in most of the conversations. I'm bad at group settings in that way I guess? There were at least two concurrent conversations at any given time (or so I felt), and for the most part, I couldn't seem to involve myself very much.

People have told me before that my mere presence contributes enough to a group setting, but I often wish I could contribute more to the gaily banter, or at least be more involved in it, instead of just listening in and laughing (and to myself, sometimes).

Maybe I'm just not meant for it, or maybe it was post-exam nuah syndrome (I finished a mid-trimester exam just before making my way down to Bugis for the meet up), but I certainly felt that it required laborious effort to tune in to conversations that sometimes teetered on the edge of my understanding, and then offer up some contributing morsel of trivia.

I was seldom able to illicit any major spike or valley in terms of emotion. I suppose it's an area I could grow in then. 'Cause if my presence can indeed be felt, then I certainly do not want myself to have any dampening effect on the group atmosphere~

Readers (if any), do not take this post as a rant, or an emo scribble - it is not. I do not want anyone to misunderstand and think I am talking about them, or blaming them for anything. This post is a form of introspective journalling - it is about me, and my current remarkable unenthusiam for anything seems to have manifested itself evidently in this post. -.-"